Complacent: showing smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one’s achievements.
That’s how I have felt for a little over a decade. I knew there was so much more that I could do to elevate the quality and overall happiness in my life; but I became easily overwhelmed with the thought of action and the potential consequences. Was I afraid? Not at all. I’ve never been afraid of change, but my tendency to overevaulate the future instead of focusing on the present resulted in complacency. Until this morning, on my way to work, I became enraged. I was upset at myself for letting myself down once again and letting my time go to waste. All the accumulated frustrations from forcing myself to say, “next time.” There isn’t always going to be a next time and all I have in the past are empty promises. Well now I believe I have reached the tipping point.
A few months prior to my twenty fifth birthday, I made a public promise that I was going to make this a memorable year. I was going to create and work towards my purpose in life; whatever that may be. I ultimately chose to live, a concept I had somehow seemed to have forgotten. I’ve made a point of surrounding myself with positive energy; on and offline. From my carefully curated Instagram feed to the small circle of friends I choose to love, I was on the right path and I veered off that path.
All of these years of complacency has taken effect and I truly believe that this will be the last time I will be telling myself to live.